These should probably show a lot more personality of myself, and my expressiveness/artistic style.
I'm not a stoic (philosophy) I actually liked some of the ancient cynics (sect of philosophers) altho' I think Diogenes of Sinope was gross, he was rather brilliant. In modern times "stoicism" & "cynicism" mean different things than they originally meant. What one generally thinks of as stoic, is this emotionless, bland, boring, or plain thing. Honestly, I utterly hate this! Altho' I often am a person deep in thought, or dream, i value happiness quite a bit more than you know.
There are just SO MANY sad things of my life, or experiences, that are just utterly sad, depressing, painful, harsh, cruel, stressful, or heartbreaking that it rubs me so awfully for people to recall me as some crying woman, even tho' there's many times I have been a back-stabbed, grief-stricken, victimized human being... I'd so much rather been remember smiling, joking, or laughing. And, I'm being incredibly honest and vulnerable here.
It is so ironic, because I have so often chosen burdens, sufferings, scrutiny, and tribulations on behalf of others, because I just CANNOT stand to see OTHERS suffer whom don't/didn't deserve it. And, even tho' I HATE fighting, and would prefer to resolve or reconcile issues/problems its a point on present time, where I find I'm THE person whom fights from a unity of my heart, mind, and soul.
And, if I didn't speak up, I just couldn't live with myself.
People hate me for being an artist, and shun me for that and would say "Why don't you do other, better, things with your time?" But, when I actually DO JUST THAT, such as have the nerve to be a functioning, mature, human being with a strong mind, intellect, and pleasant temperament, they hate me even more... because from me, its genuine. I like to think of my work as both thoughtful and heartfelt or full of feeling/emotion.
I like to use my hands, arms, or different postures. I don't want to be a rigid stone statue, even tho' many people might actually describe me at first to be cold, statuesque, or stone faced. I'm not. I'm strong in some ways, and very soft in others, but I also feel my softness is a strength, and that rigidness can be a weakness.
I don;t know what I was thinking! I kept feeling bummed that I didn't have anything Christmas to publish, then I realized I had lots!
I believe I shot these in 2011-2012.
There was a number of sets where I was experimenting with a lot of things, like my remote, the old tripod, and I'd been studying Tribal Fusion bellydance.
I've always had my own style. This outfit was by Arden B. probably around 2004 (vintage). The "Chanel" looking necklace is completely fake. I had a store at the time full of imports, and we always had many items from China, and knew nothing of high end designers, let alone what it even meant. I was told it was supposed to look like Chanel. I had no idea even who they were. I just knew I liked Arden B. which unfortunately shut down their business.
The earrings were also an item I sold in my store.
The feather earrings were from Charlotte Russe (vintage 2010-2011).
The makeup was all drug store brands (CVS) like Maybelline New York, which i still like, Physician's Formula, Rimmel, but the eye primer I used was by Urban Decay which was my first ever high end makeup product. I might also be wearing L'Oreal which I hate to death because its so toxic, and/or Covergirl which I still think tends to have good products.
As for my inspiration for these.....????? Well, it's a lot of things, sorta smashed together....
Some are shot on my tripod, and other are hand-held. I like to experiment with "spontaneous self portraits" which is an actual style of art/photography. Like, I've probably mentioned before, I don;t consider myself a "spontaneous person" nor a spontaneous personality, since I find persons whom spout this "spontaneity" natter, in judging others to often be reckless, careless, brash, foolish, self sabotaging, or irresponsible... so people whom swear to live as spontaneous are usually the same types whom cause trouble, havoc, or stress in my life.... I like the idea of having something to fall back on, support, and consistency.... yet, I utterly dispirit rigid, boring, conformity. or just rigidity and stubbornness. Even tho' I prefer persons of stability, self control, discipline, and things like temperance and the virtue side of prudence, I can't stand bland things most of the time. So, what I'm saying is even tho' I like balance, I still NEED to FEEL and experience the differences in dichotomies, or even an awareness of extremes, or even the middle gradients, and complexities...
In other words, what I'm trying to say, is I find experiments (or experimentation) to be incredibly therapeutic, and it pulls me out of "the comfort zone". Even tho' I'd prefer to KNOW and have certainty of pretty much everything, even creatively, I've found that the not knowing what will happen, or the surprise of it, is actually quite pleasant, and I think perhaps it is THIS that is that sort of edgy place I like. Even tho' I can use techniques or a controlled environment or situation, you don't actually have full control or it, and it's the "letting go" that is not only liberating, but also thrilling. Creative accidents happen, and things you cannot replicate. Sure, one might get a ton of crappy stuff, but the more you shoot, the more likely you are to capture the fleeting moments in time, forever.
By, the way, none of these are touched up AT ALL. NOTHING.
It's completely raw, and shot ON RAW.
You may see EVERY wrinkle, blemish, fine line, or distortion... I like it.
It's rather ZEN...
But, as I was saying, my inspirations were everything from Tribal Fusion dancers, to Blümchen, to 1990s' and 2000s stuff....
here you can see a favorite of mine "Unterm Weihnachtsbaum" by "Blümchen" a Happy Hardcore 1990s techno Christmas track which mean "Beneath The Christmas Tree" (German). Since it was a pretty new Christmas tree, I wanted to experiment it as a prop.
I did, actually, several kinds of styles with this set, and I did several sets/experiments with just my Christmas tree alone.
Well, here's my so-called balcony on the first floor, with my garden.
It's practically permanently in shade, so growing anything is difficult. I've been experimenting since about 2004 to grow things... which I'm sure I've often mentioned...
I went with a permaculture direction since the end of 2013... I've been incorporating low level light plants, or shade crops. this year we got a new out door light in the parking-lot, after several years of darkness after they removed to old New England lamppost lanterns.
I think I got "the gift" from my dad, so to speak... because when I have LIGHT I can nearly save any plants... "Green Thumb"
So, this situation was a brain picker....
I never really know what results I will get because thing that OUGHT to grow didn't, or had poor results, and stuff that I expected to fail went great! Also, different results in different years, n different times of the seasons!
The only way to learn is to do, and learn from failure...
My cucumbers are doing so well now! I didn't think they would grow at all!
They're VERY THIRSTY! They drink so much water!
I'm also growing ginger & potatoes! I didn't know they could grow so easily!
